Bum-Friendly Alternatives to Toilet Paper

Come on, there’s no need to feel embarrassed, as it has happened to most of us. You realize the importance of toilet paper only when you try to reach for it and find nothing but a cardboard roll. We’ve all been there. But the question is: what exactly are you supposed to do then?

Well, here are some substitutes that you can consider when you are running out of tissue paper.

#1. Paper Towels

Kitchen Towel, Paper Napkins, Roll

Also known as kitchen paper or kitchen roll, a paper towel is a sort of absorbent and disposable towel made from paper. It is usually a must-have in the kitchen as it a quick and convenient way to wipe up spills and countertops.

But, for now, let’s forget about the kitchen as paper towels are most probably the closest substitutes to the conventional toilet paper (and I am sure they are the first items that you must have considered). However, even if you decide to use them, there is one important thing that you should keep in mind (always): never flush these paper towels after using them.

Compared to toilet paper, paper towels won’t break down in the water (despite their textural similarity). When they are flushed, they will remain in one piece, get bigger and cause clogs in your plumbing and septic systems. So, better to toss these used towels in a garbage can.

#2. Paper

Paper Weaving | Paper Weaving | Joel Penner | Flickr

If you don’t have any toilet paper (and please make sure to check properly before reaching this conclusion), look around your house and try to find some kind of paper to use (for you know what).

  • It is recommended to use white printer paper, catalogs or even a phone book (if you still have one, that is)
  • I suggest not to use glossy magazine pages as the colored ink might rub off and affect some sensitive places (you know where I am talking about).
  • Newspapers should be used with caution because of their ink and ripping them up will provide you with more material to use.
  • Receipts may seem ideal, but most of them are covered with chemicals like BPA, so it is best to avoid them.
  • I have too much respect (and love) for books to recommend them. But, still, you can consider them as a last resort.

#3. Wipes

Disinfectant Wipes Dettol - Free photo on Pixabay

If you are in a pinch, wrack your brain and see if you have some wipes in your house.

But, remember, as discussed in a previous blog article, wet wipes contain some type of plastic that does not break down compared to toilet paper when flushed. Even if they go down the drain without any problems, they can accumulate in your pipes and cause clogs. This is why you should never send wipes in the toilet (even though they are labeled as “flushable”).

#4. Cardboard Toilet Paper Rolls

Incredible Uses for Cardboard Tubes

Always remember this golden rule: never throw away any cardboard toilet paper rolls.

Try to peel all the layers off until you have enough material to wipe your backside. And, if you want it to be more comfortable (as you are used to pampering your “cheeks”), you can wet them lightly with some water before using.

And, I am sure you have enough grey matter not to flush these used cardboard toilet paper rolls.

#5. Sponge

Free picture: scrubbing foam, sponge, object, tool

This method goes back to ancient times when the Romans used sponges instead of toilet paper. But, proper hygiene and sanitation are needed for this method.

As it is noted that sponges can pick up filth and bacteria quickly, I suggest using a new sponge. But back then, Romans used to wash the sponge with water and vinegar so they could reuse it. If you want to go this same way, I recommend boiling the sponge or soaking it in bleach water before using it again.

#6. Water

Splash, Splash, Aqua, Water, Rain, Pouring

Would you be surprised if I tell you that in some countries, people have never even heard of toilet paper and instead use water?

Well, when everything fails, cleaning yourself with water is the only efficient way.

What you can do is to fill a plastic cup or some other pouring device with warm water, pour the water then into your left hand and do the necessary cleaning (that’s the maximum explicit I can be).

Wait. There are many more alternatives. And, once you have extinguished the fire (you know what kind of fire I am talking about), come back for part 2!

Bum-Friendly Alternatives to Toilet Paper
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